#SundaySlices - Week 1

giphy (40).gif

If Ice Cube's classic record, "Today Was A Good Day" had an antonym, it would be Sunday for Washington. Special teams and the offense were mostly incompetent, leaving the defense in horrible field positions all afternoon. The coaching staff seemed unwilling, unable or indifferent in adjusting schemes and protections, giving Philadelphia their first win against the burgundy and gold since 2014. 

So whose fault is it? I'm glad you asked! Welcome to the first of sixteen #SundaySlices recaps, where we cut up the game to assign fame and blame based on the outcome into pie chart form. Try not to make a mess.

MISSING INGREDIENTS

(These are the players/coaches/etc. who are not in the pie, because they are not to blame).

-Nearly the entire defense

The line, the linebackers, the secondary: this was one of the strongest efforts of the Gruden Era. New defensive coordinator, Greg Manusky, deserves some love.

-Chris Thompson

 Thank goodness that man was paid his monies. Quietly an absolute weapon on third downs, his YAC turns water into wine constantly for Cousins. His touchdown Sunday was further evidence of that.

-Skins Twitter

Sometimes a dark and troll-filled space, Sunday was mostly civil while  letting gifs and jokes fly as our team disappointed. Well done!

THE PIE

meta-chart.png

D.J. Swearinger: 1% 

For a team that has been maligned with tackling issues for what seems like an eternity, having your big name free agent safety whiff on multiple occasions was dispiriting. 

Jamison Crowder: 3% 

His special teams cough up didn't end up being costly, but it was certainly not helpful. Crowder only caught three of his seven targets for 14 yards. Some of that was due to poor throws and part of it was due to being 5'9", but regardless, the offense needs more from him.  

Morgan Moses/Brandon Scherff: 7% 

Perhaps Moses was battling an injury, and yes, Philly's defensive line is quite good, but the amount of push and pocket collapsing they were able to generate made Kirk's day more miserable. The running game was out of sorts all day as well and these two were the main culprits.

Terrelle Pryor Sr. 10% 

Many wondered how the losses of Garcon and Jackson would play out on the field and if week 1 is any indication, they are missed severely. Pryor never seemed comfortable or focused as the new focal point of the passing attack and it showed. His fourth quarter, 28-yard catch and run gave a glimpse of his potential, but his multiple drops, alligator arms and general bad play gave a reason for panic.

Bill Callahan 10% 

The offensive line coach gets a healthy portion of pie for either failing to recognize the problem with Moses or not being able to adjust on the fly. The run game was a nightmare, which is partially on Callahan and the line, but also on...

Jay Gruden 29% 

With Sean Mcvay now in Los Angeles, Gruden has taken over the down-to-down play calling for the offense. Sunday was not his best work. In a one possession game for most of the fourth quarter, Washington ran ONCE in the final 14 minutes. Incumbent starter, Rob Kelley, touched the ball only ten times all day. As frustrating as the lack of a run game was, the personnel choices were equally baffling. Namely, the insistence on having Ryan Grant (six targets) receive more snaps than first round, blue chip beast, Josh Doctson (zero targets). Gruden's team was outplayed, but his staff was also outcoached.

Kirk Cousins 40% 

I am admittedly not the biggest Cousins supporter, but games like this make me wonder why so many are enchanted with him. Yes, the offensive line could have protected better, but even on three and five step drops, Cousins was holding the ball too long and not making decisive, accurate throws. His footwork was an issue all afternoon and while the Eagles deserve credit for their multiple blitz packages, good quarterbacks make opposing defenses pay in those situations and Kirk was simply unable to execute. The multiple fumbles (the last one was very debatable) were not ideal, but his interception in the red zone in the 4th quarter was plainly inexcusable. Since week 12 of 2016, Kirk has thrown six touchdowns and six interceptions. That's over the course of six full games. Certain media outlets (COUGH 106.7 COUGH) want Cousins to be a franchise QB so badly that they will talk themselves into the narrative instead of the truth. Can he improve? There are 15 more pies to find out.

1950s-boy-wins-1st-prize-at-pie-eating-contest-and-looks-sick-CTG2EF.jpg

NEXT WEEK

#SundaySlices will be served following the Los Angeles Rams game. If you have slice suggestions, send them to @slimceeVA on twitter.

#SundaySlices - Preseason

unnamed (4).jpg

You wanna know any easy way to never get confused on the spellings of "desert" and "dessert?" "Dessert" has two S's, because you always want seconds. Here at Fifty Gut, we not only bless you with mostly useless mnemonic devices, but we also help you wash down the feast of football Sundays with a heaping serving of postgame sweets. 

unnamed 5.gif

 

Beginning next Monday, we will deliver handmade, organic, artisanal, ingredients from scratch, homestyle pies...of shame or blame. Using a highly-specific and classified subjective system of sabermetrics and subtle satire, each Washington game will be dissected and reconstructed into pie chart form. 

unnamed 6.gif

 

Was the win 50% Kirk, 25% Fat Rob, 15% Norman and 10% that terrible call by the refs that went our way? Or, was the loss 90% Gruden and 10% Dan Snyder's fault for cheering obnoxiously? Let's find out together! We envision #SundaySlices as an interactive experience, so please, feel free to let us know who you'd like to preach praise or rain blame upon. Twitter is always the preferred method of contact, so shoot me your thoughts at @slimceeVA or go direct to the boss at @fiftygutblog. Until next Monday, enjoy the feast and be sure not to desert dessert.