2017 Redskins Obituary


The Washington [Redacted]s 2017 season died peacefully of natural causes at a half-full soccer stadium on Decmeber 10th, 2017 in Carson, California at the age of 13 weeks. 

Washington is survived by millions of delusioanlly loyal fans throughout Washington, D.C., the non-Wire/Baltimore parts of Maryland, the great Commonwealth of Virginia and all throughout the country. They are also survived by thousands of imaginary names on a season tickets waiting list somewhere on a database in Ashburnistan. Washington's 2017 season is preceded in death by the previous 18 seasons under the ownership of Daniel Snyder. 

Washington's 2017 season was born on September 10th, 2017 in Landover, Maryland. The season married long-time lover, Bitter Loss To A Division Rival, later that day and the couple remained faithful for four of five occasions. Washington moved to the Mediocre neighborhood of the NFC, where they lived happily for three months, until retiring to the Doldrums of the NFC community while in hospice. Washington and spouse, Bitter Loss welcomed many children throughout their lives. The children remembered their parents as being disappointing during big events and consistently omitting joy every seventh day.

Washington was accomplished at creating widespread debates about the worth of their quarterback and often incited 280-character, 300 reply tweet chains on the subject. Washington was a caring individual who loved drama and who was passionate about mediocre results. Washington was an active member of the stomach pains and vomit community and often volunteered to provide material to help in those areas. 

A funeral is scheduled for January 1st, 2018 at Met Life Stadium in New Jersey, with a reception to follow at the 106.7FM and 980AM radio studios. Kevin Sheehan, John Keim, Grant Paulsen and Twitter whine bot, @BurgundyBlog, will officiate the ceremonies. All are welcomed to attend and celebrate Washington's 2017 season's life. In lieu of flowers, please send clicks to the Fifty Gut Blog at fiftygut.com. Condolences can be expressed via snarky comments, memes and gifs on Twitter. The family would like to thank Skins Nation for their fanhood and loyalty in these trying times.