Which Redskins Could've Been Superheroes

First featured on Redskins Republic  


Ben Affleck is now tabbed as the new Batman. Pshhhh I don't mean to be rude, but the good people over at DC Comics could've found a better Caped Crusader down in DC. Matter of fact, you can find multiple of your movie superheroes wearing burgundy & gold. Here are a few...

Robert Griffin III - Kal-El / Clark Kent AKA Superman

Coaches and doctors call him superhuman and perhaps there is a reason for that. The Redskins' Man of Steel wears a No. 10 across his chest instead of that traditional yellow & red S (which coincidentally means hope on Superman's native Krypton, because that is exactly what RGIII has brought back to this franchise).

Superpower: Faster than a speeding bullet & leaps tall linebackers in a single bound.

Weakness: Weak ACLs and Haloti Ngata.

Trent Williams - Bruce Banner AKA The Incredible Hulk

Don't make Trent Williams angry. You wouldn't like him when he's angry.

Superpower: Superhuman strength that increases the angrier he gets, used to move defensive lineman with ease.

Weakness: Loud-mouthed corner backs. HULK SMASH (Richard Sherman's face, that is).

Pierre Garcon - Victor Creed AKA Sabretooth

Both fast, physical and use animal-like instincts to seek out their prey. Plus, how else would you explain the fangs?

Aldrick Robinson - Barry Allen AKA The Flash

  As the fastest receiver on the Redskins, he has to be the Flash. He uses his supernatural ability to take the top off of a secondary.  If you blink, you might miss him running right by you

Superpower: Defying the laws of physics and nature with his super speed

Weakness: Running any route, and I mean ANY ROUTE, outside of a go pattern.

Alfred Morris - Tony Stark AKA Iron Man

Morris has got to be made of Iron, right? Or at least some sort of resilient exoskeleton. After accumulating 335 carries (third most in the NFL) and missing no time while taking a pounding from the NFL's stoutest defenses, you have to wonder what he's made of. He may not have Tony Stark's engineering knowledge, but he sure knows how to tote a rock.

Superpowers: Blasting through defenses with arc reactor-like power.

Weakness: The NFL's new rule against touchdown celebrations.

DeAngelo Hall - Wade Wilson  AKA Deadpool

If any Redskin deserves the moniker "talking jive and taking lives" or "the mercenary with the mouth", it has got to be DeAngelo Hall.

Superpower: The gift of gab

Weakness: Double moves, Dez Bryant and overzealous referees

Leonard Hankerson - Peter Parker AKA The Amazing Spiderman

Ok this one might be somewhat of a stretch. Hanktime doesn't have the agility of the athletic arachnid, but he definitely uses his webs and spidey-sense from time to time.

London Fletcher - Steve Rogers AKA Captain America

Peak of human conditioning? Check.

Excellent field commander and a leader of men? Double check.

Seemingly been around since World War II? Triple check.

Mike Shanahan - Bruce Wayne AKA Batman

As Batman returned to rid Gotham City of villains like Scarecrow, the Joker and Bane, Mike Shanahan returned to coaching to rid Washington of villains like Albert Haynesworth, Jim Zorn and Vinny Ceratto...

Kyle Shanahan - Dick Grayson AKA Robin

...Mike Shanahan's young but courageous sidekick.

Bruce Allen - Lucius Fox

Batman had Lucius Fox to be his wise and logical voice of reason while maintaining the applied sciences department of Wayne Enterprises. The Shana-khan have Bruce Allen to do the same thing.

Rex Grossman - Scott Summers AKA Cyclops

Rex Grossman may not have a powerful beam of energy shooting from his head, reducing his opponents to a pile of ash, but if anyone knows how to stare down a receiver, its Sexy Rexy.

Superpower: Slinging the pigskin around without conscience.

Weakness: Any cornerback or safety that knows how to read a quarterback's eyes.

Brian Orakpo - James Howlett / Logan AKA Wolverine

Tell me that pose isn't Wolverine-esque. All he needs is the adamantium claws jettisoning from his fists and we will be in business.

Logan Paulsen - Thor

The resemblance is striking, am I right? Watch out, Hemsworth.