“Give me a pound.” I’ve always wondered the genesis of this term, which is shorthand for a colloquial fist bump between friends or allergy-averse folks alike. And while google could not provide a suitable answer, I can assure you that saying “give me a pound...or £100” while visiting London, England is a glorious feeling.
You see, that’s where this intrepid, wannabe columnist was visiting on a soggy Sunday evening (plus-five hours here), while watching the burgundy and gold once again impressively dispatch of the Packers at “home.” When I spoke of “pounds,” it was to indicate their currency, which I happily collected after betting on my favorite team (sports gambling is not only legal here, but easily accessible and encouraged—I may be moving).
Welcome to the third of sixteen #SundaySlices recaps, where we cut up the game to assign fame and blame, based on the outcome, into delicious pie chart form. Try not to make a mess.
(These are the players/coaches/etc. who are not in the pie, because they did not contribute to the win).
-The Weather. I’m not saying that it’s been raining a lot in D.C., but the collection of two of each animal has commenced.
-Chris Thompson. To score 31 points and convert nearly 50% of their third downs and NOT get any mentionable contribution from CT can be seen as a positive, I suppose, but I do not presume Coach Gruden wishes to continue to tempt fate.
-The Fans. *Field of Dreams voice* If you build it, but the weather, gameday experience and owner are crappy, they will not come.
The Green Bay Wide Receivers’s Hands: 5%
Like a mid-90s Pharcyde single mixed with Bart Simpson’s favorite candy bar, the Packers couldn’t help but “Drop” with their Butterfingers at the worst possible times for Rodgers.
Vernon Davis and Jordan Reed: 5%
Only six grabs between the two of them, but at over 20 yards per catch, they made them count. Side note: the camera angle for Vernon’s catch at the end of the first half felt like it was filmed on Mars. Usually I reserve this sentiment for their “News” department, but do better, Fox.
Zack Brown: 5%
Should probably share a bit of this slice with Mason Foster, but Brown was everywhere Sunday, being a dual-threat in both the run and pass defense. Earning that check.
Jamison Crowder: 5%
The bartender in the slot served up between the hashes.
The Referees: 5%
Later this season, Washington will get screwed by a close call. It may even cost them the game. I will break my fingers complaining on Twitter and then spend hundreds of words in this column doing the same. When that day comes, please refer me back to this game, where they received a questionable touchdown call at the goalline and an absolutely egregious “roughing” the passer call in the second half, that may have broken Green Bay’s spirit.
The Offensive Line: 10%
The Hogs 2.0 went angry boar mode once again, turning in a throwback performance not seen since...week 1. Trent is having “minor surgery” (is that an oxy moron?) and Moses got banged up, but this unit may be the strength of the team. However, they’d have to battle it out with:
The Defensive Line: 20%
Alright. We’ve seen enough. This line is too good and too dominant not to have a nickname. I recall earlier in the season someone suggesting “IPA” for Ioannidis, Payne and Allen, but that didn’t really grab me. “Capital Punishment” is pretty washed. I’m searching for a good one, so if you have something, let me know. In the meantime, let’s just keep enjoying getting pressure on quarterbacks while only rushing three or four, shall we?
Alex Smith: 20%
20 attempts? 20%. It was an economical, but extremely strong performance by QB1. Many, including myself, clamored for a more vertical attack in the pass game and since Smith and Gruden DEFINITELY read this column weekly, they responded with monster deep shots to Richardson, Reed and Davis. Not accounted for in the passing stats, Smith also threw deep to Doctson and Richardson to generate multiple pass interference calls. Add in a huge third down conversion picked up from his feet and Smith had himself a very good afternoon. And he didn’t even need a corny slogan to do it.
Adrian Peterson: 25%
33 is the new 23. I am unaware if he has an affinity for Reese’s Pieces and I’m fairly certain he cannot fit into the basket in the front of a child’s bicycle while flying past the moon under the direction of Steven Spielberg, but there is no doubt in my mind: Adrian Peterson is an Extra-Terrestrial.
#SundaySlices will return after the bye week and the following week’s contest on Monday Night Football, against the New Orleans Saints. If you have any slice suggestions, critiques, complaints or questions send them to @slimceeVA on Twitter. Should you feel the need to add snarky commentary about pop culture, sports or politics into your life, you can also follow @slimceeVA—and you should.