Scared money don't make money.
-Ancient gambler's proverb
I have a friend that is from Northern Virginia and is a Dallas Cowboys fan. Actually, I have a few friends who fit this profile, which is obnoxious, confusing and not worth discussing. However, there is one of my boys in particular who does something unique: every Sunday he bets against his team. Regardless who Dallas is playing and unconcerned with whatever the line is, he wagers his hard-earned dollars against his squad. His reasoning is simple: if the Cowboys win, he's happy. If they lose, he wins his bet and he's happy. It's not exactly scientific, but it is hysterical to watch.
Here at Fifty Gut we don't hedge our bets. We dig deep for the edge that will help you in "recreational" gambling endeavors, all while cheering on the burgundy and gold. So let's take a look through our dollar bill-shaped spectacles at some of the possible wagers available for the upcoming Washington season.
Redskins Total Wins: over/under 7.5
I know exactly what y'all did in April. You clicked on the season schedule and took mental inventory of each week's game, muttering an audible "that's a dub" or "that's a L" after surveying the opponent. Was the final win number higher than seven? Because mine was...barely.
The play: OVER
Will The Redskins Make The Playoffs: Yes +350 No -500
In some of my fiercest of Redskins text threads, this is the most hotly contested question. Ostensibly, Washington did nothing but improve every need on the defensive side of the ball. By most accounts, they had a very solid draft and free agency. Still, it's the Redskins. A lame duck QB, a meddling owner, questions at multiple positions on the offense; let's just say this ain't the 1991 squad. But, a $100 bet can net you $350 and that's a pretty good price, even if risky.
The play: YES
Chris Cooley "may" Un-retire Rumors: Over/Under 3
Aside from The Masters, a tradition unlike any other is the annual clamoring for a fan favorite retired tight end who hasn't contributed in almost a decade. The "three" total matches the number of Jordan Reed injuries predicted and while I hope that's wrong, every time a DL stint is mentioned for #86, #47 gets brought up.
The play: PUSH
Will Bruce Allen Call Kirk Cousins "Kurt" Again: Yes -1000 No +650
We all know it's just the accent, right? Riiiggghhttt.
The play: YES
Terrelle Pryor Total Receiving Yards: Over/Under 1,041 yards
That total is what the Redskins' leading receiver gained in 2016. While Pierre Garcon patiently waits for Cousins to join him in San Francisco (KIDDING...kinda), Terrelle Pryor steps into an ideal situation to put up monster numbers in a passing attack that will throw often. Pryor's frame makes him an ideal redzone target and if his Twitter workout videos are any indication, he's in excellent shape and looking to show out.
The play: OVER
"Fat" Rob Kelley Total Rushing Yards: Over/Under 704 yards
The agile and hefty tailback started only nine games last season, but was far more serviceable at the position than his predecessor Matt "not active this week" Jones. Presumed the starter for week one, don't be surprised to see his playing time pushed and eventually usurped by rookie Samaje Perine.
The play: UNDER
106.7 The Fan's Grant & Danny Saying "Look at his numbers and tell me why he shouldn't be in the MVP conversation!" About Kirk Cousins:
Over/Under week 4
While Kirk's Stan group infrastructure is extremely sturdy throughout Redskins talk radio land, it is fortified in concrete by the early afternoon duo on the FM station. Jay Gruden's offensive attack is conducive to gaudy passing numbers procured by the yards after catch of elite position players. Cousins will get his numbers and certain hosts will get their underoos steamy.
The play: Put a bazillion dollars on the UNDER
Will Kirk Stay: Yes EVEN No +200
The question that will be debated and drilled into the ground...for eternity. The Redskins can franchise tag again. The Redskins can use the transition tag. The Redskins can let him walk. As bad as the optics were during the "Kurt" press release, Washington still has leverage.
The play: keep reading Fifty Gut. We have months of content to deliver!