Are yearbooks still a thing? With the advent of Facebook, Twitter, Snapchat, etc. is there even a need to document an entire year in book form anymore? I've been operating under the assumption that millenials only communicate in emoji and acronyms, anyway. That could be hard to put into print. Regardless, the yearbook did serve one great purpose, aside from finally getting that dime's phone number in your algebra class, it introduced many of us to the idea of arguing about superlatives. "MIKE SMITH WAS THE FUNNIEST PERSON IN OUR CLASS? EFF THAT!" Becoming a hater comes organically and class superlatives are one of its roots.
As the Redskins continue through the dreck nature of training camp, I thought it best to find out who are some the superlative standouts we can look forward to in the 2017 season. Don't forget to draw unibrows on their foreheads when you see their pictures in the yearbook.
Most Likely To Cause Fans To Throw Their Remote Through Their TV: Bashaud Breeland Perhaps Bree's agent should do a better job communicating what "contract year" entails, but lashing out at teammates and coaches in training camp is tough way to get paid. Especially since Antonio Brown performed a vasectomy against him on national TV in week one last season. (Honorable mention: Will Compton)
Most Terribly Punned Name: Zach Brown OMG did you know he has the same name as a country band who sings about chicken and beer?! What are the odds?! (Honorable mention: Matt Jones - WHO?? - Matt Jones)
Most Likely To Have One Good Game That Gets Fans Way Too Excited: "Not So 'Fat' Anymore, But We're Sticking With The Nickname" Rob Kelley I like Kelley. I think he'll be valuable in spots this season. However, if he's the Skins' bell cow for the duration of 16 weeks, the running game will not be good. (Honorable mention: Mo Harris)
Most Likely To Succeed: Jamison Crowder Bartender- another shot of Jamison, please. The slot receiver will be getting more targets than a suburban strip mall, in an offense that loves to throw short. (Honorable mention: Terrelle Pryor)
Most Likely To Be "Fan Favorite": Ryan Kerrigan You gotta love a guy that brings it every play. Hard worker, disciplined, super-smart. A pro's pro. First guy in, last guy out. Helps build team chemistry, contributes to momentum (only the good kind) and is a grinder. (Honorable mention: Brandon Scherff)
Most Likely To Own Incriminating Evidence About A Prominent Front Office Official: Ryan Grant Literally no other reason makes sense that this is year four for him. (Honorable mention: Deangelo Hall)
Most Likely To Slap That Ass With A Belt On The Beach...Allegedly: Junior Galette Too soon? (Honorable mention: Trent Williams)
Most Likely To Be Suspended: Trent Williams This is the first, and hopefully, last time I ever say this: listen to Stephen A. Smith. (Honorable mention: Josh Norman)
Most Likely To Be The Next Jordan Reed: Josh Docston Please, Josh, stop keeping the "Doc" in Doctson. We need you. (Honorable mention: Junior Galette)
Most Likely To Steal Their Paycheck This Season: Kirk Cousins ALSO Most Likely To Be Underpaid This Season: Kirk Cousins The Captain can steer this ship in multiple directions this year. Is he Captain Phillips or Captain Ahab?